Help with my narrative writing, any writers out there?
I have written some of sentences for a narrative writing that I will be doing soon.
Are they making sense?
1) Le Flor is the first and only company in the world that has developed its own water purifier membrane filter, primarily requiring complicated and delicate maintenance at level of constant temperature and humidity, to function on automatic, designated-to-perform manufacturing-procedure system which produce perfectly composed membrane filter at continual pace of every 33 seconds with less than 0.8% in its defect rate.
2) Le Flor’s quality in manufactured goods and expert in producing techniques had been highly well reputed throughout the global market by acquiring NSF Certificate in 2003 and other international recognizing certifications.
Do you think they can be revised in a way that can make sound better for audiences?
Help!
Quincy
January 30, 2009 - 6:34 PM
Ginza
February 1, 2009 | 11:37 AMThe first one is a run on! Use a period and start the next sentence!
laurel g
February 2, 2009 | 2:30 AMI would consider your sentences as being too drawn out…….such as run on sentences. Shorten them to sentences that can be ’soaked in’ by the audience. Not just short sentences, but, enough to allow comprehension of what IS being said. For an audience, you will need to raise your voice on certain, important factors of your writing. Are you using any visual aids to make more of an impact to your audience? It’s usually a very good idea to do.
Zubair
February 5, 2009 | 2:19 AMi dunno….
Short n stocky
February 7, 2009 | 12:04 PMI do quite a bit of writing myself, writing short stories, monolugue, dialogue and i think your writing is good. I dont think I would make any changes. Narrarrate: To give an account or tell a story. Thats what your doing.